Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
