It was confusing and full of hummus
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
