legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
