Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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