I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I will be naked everywhere
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
