I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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