glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
They took my balls.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
