Need sex. Gaining weight.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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