I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
