I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
