the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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