Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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