went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
