On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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