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Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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