she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
