whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
