apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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