I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
