OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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