david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
