D3 body, D1 cock
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Watching her eat just hurts me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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