What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
