so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
