he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
