It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
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