i already hear my dad disowning me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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