The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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