I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
