the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
