Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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