I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
