So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
