I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
