Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
