I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
