You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
