Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
