Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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