I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
