you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
