so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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