first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
