Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And then my night got REAL pukey
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
