the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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