I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
