I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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