When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
