Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
