I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
