My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
